Just a mild neurosis

Oh my. I've finished uni. I've (almost) moved in London. Whooaaah.

Actually I was planning to make a post once I'd moved in my London apartment but then again I kind of really want to talk about living there and decorating and such and it's still going to be a while till I can do that to the extent that I'd like to so let's have a pre-move in babble today.

So, my last day in Newport was Friday the 13th June - and despite the ominous date it was a wonderful day because I got to see all of my favourite (except for few) people from uni once more, make them write little notes in my copy of our ah-mazing publication and hug them goodbye until our graduation ceremony in September. And then I finally headed out to London to stay over at my au-pair friend's, which is where I'm still chilling. Chilling whenever I'm not maniacally washing dishes, writing job applications, making tea, engaging in highly intellectual conversations with the Frozen-obsessed 3-year-old or assembling and disassembling a Lego-train with her little brother.

When I started writing this I did so with an intention of - I want to say whining but let's for once give me a break and go with addressing my issues. So, anyway after finishing the first paragraphs I feel quite good. It has been an ever so lovely couple of weeks here and in comparison with the months and months of just trying to will myself out of bed and listening to every sound of every movement in the house like an animal hiding from its predator, the serenity that I now have the privilege to enjoy is exactly what I've needed for a long time. I mean, sure there is the kitchen renovation going on with the drilling and the dust and the occasional lack of hot water but hey, to me that's heaven.

This morning I was able to go for a short run by the riverside, which was great because last week I had a horrendous blister right at the ball of my foot that was so painful that I could hardly walk lat alone run. And after that healed I had two days when all of my body was achy making me feel weak and tired, followed by a couple of days when I was graced with an ever-strengthening headache that once woke me up in the middle of the night. Added to that I've been feeling really bloated and floppy and fat, and all in all it just seems like my body has decided to rebel against me in every conceivable way.
My mood is strongly affected by how I feel physically and so, I've begun to get very frustrated and irritable over of this bodily chaos. On the one hand, I know I've been eating differently and exercising a lot less than usual, and of course that may be a part of why I'm feeling so weird. On the other hand though, I blame myself for not working out more, of being lazy and eating too much this and not enough that. But I also can't really do a lot to change any of it since my current accommodation is temporary, which already makes living according to my own routines pretty much impossible.

But now, sitting in one of the cute little coffee shops in Hackney, having finished my meze platter yumminess that I don't how to pronounce with other people with their laptops sitting around and having lunch I feel alright. Also, how is it that coffee around here is so damn delish? Seriously, Starbucks, Costa and Nero, and every coffee chain in Finland too, can just get out quietly through the backdoor because this almond milk latte that I'm currently sipping is the best thing ever and it only costs £2,50 as well. Hackney magic, that's what it is.

I am slightly stressed out though. I'm scared that I won't find a job, or rather a job that pays well enough and that I even remotely enjoy doing. I hate getting so worked up about money since I don't see myself as a particularly materialistic person. However, the fact of the matter is that you need money to pay the rent and the bills and the food and the transport. And then there are some other things that can drastically improve the quality of life; like for me, buying good quality food, exercising at a proper gym, going to theatres, cinemas, galleries and other cultural venues, and buying new clothes every once in a while. And then my list of things that I would like to be able to pay for in some unforeseeable future including a cat, some new tattoos and a weekend in Barcelona. Oh yeah, and the next Nightwish tour......


But it'll be okay.
Will it?

1 comment:

  1. Asioilla on tapana järjestyä tavalla tai toisella!