I've probably said this a million times before but I'm not a very rational individual. First of all, I panic about completely nonsensical stuff. For example the day I left for summer holiday was utterly mental: first I stressed over my room inspection, then realised I hadn't checked the booking number for my train tickets and was afraid that I wouldn't get them with just the card I paid them with, then I was constantly worried about my luggage: how to get all of it from train to another, at the airport I felt convinced that they'd make me pay extra for I was sure my stuff weighed too much. Only after leaving my two massive suitcases at baggage drop and getting myself through security was I calm enough to get something to eat, which was nice since I was at the verge of passing out after hours of travelling and dragging and lifting my things.
Second of all, when emotionally involved with something there's no way I could deal with it sensibly and coolly: it's all a rush of emotion and world's greatest drama for me.
Anyway, speaking with a person crucially more sensible and logical than me is always a somewhat miraculous experience. Unfortunately not many of my friends are that much above me in the hierarchy of rationality to actually have a notable effect on my thinking - we already tend to think quite alike in the first place. In all honesty, there is but one who's completely so otherworldly straightforward and rational, and incredibly compassionate at the same time, amongst the people that I know. Every single time I talk with him I get this amazing feeling that things will turn out okay and even though I'm pretty insane sometimes, I'm not as crazy as I think I am.
I don't know how he does it - makes this nutcase that I am feel like almost sensible.
He probably has no idea that he has this effect on me. I can't even fully explain it.
But it's a really really nice feeling because 90% of the time I do feel like I'm a fucking mess.
He always has some sort of a solution for my problems, even when it's not possible to have a solution. And his advice is always something quite simple, which is also unusual for my thinking pattern since I'm complicated as fuck - and therefore incapable of doing as he says even though I wanted to.
It's like when you take your earphones from your pocket and they're as tangled as they can possibly, in the whole Universe, be, and you untangle them and put them neatly back in the pocket and in five minutes they've done it again.
So, I'm the earphones and my friend untangles me sometimes, but when he goes away I just go back to being the mess.
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| what are my metaphors even ... ? |
Ashtanga Yoga is something that I've just recently added to my daily routine.
And yes I love it.
I'm also burning a lot of candles and incense sticks because they make me feel calm.
But yoga. In Ashtanga yoga there is just a particular sequence of asanas which we go through in every class, and as you gain more strength and skill, you'll be taught more parts to be added in your sequence. Anyhow, it's so relaxing for the mind to do the same exercise time after time. And strictly speaking, it's not the same every time since every day is a little different and you feel a little different, and so the asanas feel a little different. And so.
But yeah, it's just so soothing, the deep breathing and the float of movement. And because it is a particular set of postures and movements in a particular order, you can do it at home when you're not able to go to a class. I try to do the exercise six times a week, some in classes and some at home, but in Autumn when I go back to uni in Wales I'll most likely have to practice by myself since I don't suppose I can find Ashtanga yoga from a town that doesn't even provide proper dance classes.
And speaking of dancing, I found some summer classes that I'll start going to next week. yayyyy
I'm so unspeakably happy about getting to go to dance classes again. I can't tell you how glad I am. wheeehhheeeee
seriously
Oh, and today I read my horoscope from some stupid magazine and it said that I should do this thing that I, in fact, probably should do. It said that doing it wouldn't hurt anyone but I know that's not true because it would certainly hurt me because I know what the result of me doing this thing would be and .. I'm sorry .. even the horoscope wasn't this ambiguous.
stupid horoscope
But no, I won't do what it (and most of the people I talk about my stuff) told me to do.
Okay. Just three more things.
We had my little sister's graduation party today and the fridge is still full of yummy food.
I need a job.
I intend to read The Hunchback of Notre Dame in French during summer. I am doubtful of my success but I'll try.
Good night.
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