Why do I think it's pretentious rubbish? Because in my opinion people should be able to show their friends and partners how important they are at any time, whatsoever. I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day - it's lovely to receive messages and greetings from my loved ones. My point is, it's even more lovely to receive that kind of attention totally randomly and spontaneously.
Now, enough with the Valentine's Day ramble and to the real business.
I am genuinely surprised of the amount of true friends I have nowadays. There are 12 people on whom I rely immensely. With some of them I'm really close, with others not that much. Anyhow, I trust all of them and know they wouldn't intentionally hurt me, nor would I them.
First of all I'm slightly surprised I've had the luck to meet such a number of wonderful, good-hearted and interesting people.
But what amazes me even more is the fact that all of them actually seem to enjoy my company and be interested in my life. I mean, I have four friends who have stuck with me for over ten years. Then my girlfriend whom I've known nearly for four years (WHAT?! Only four? It feels more like six or smth.), two of which we skated at the same synchro team and two and a half of which we went to the same high-school. So basically we've been hanging together every day (minus holidays) from the day we first met until last Autumn when I graduated. Instead of becoming fed up with each other we somehow ended up in a relationship. How did this happened, is a great mystery.
In addition, the rest of those most loved friends of mine, I've known for 3-4 years.
So a lot of amazing people, yes.
Sometimes I feel I can't possibly deserve to have so many good people in my life, for I can be a real trouble. I call myself complicated for a reason.
- I am overly interested in everything and everyone. There's no such thing as not-my-business. I want to know everything, always. I require information. For my excuse I can say, though, that the main reason I am such a curious pain-in-the-ass is that I always want to sympathise and help everyone with their problems. I am honestly, sincerely concerned about the well-being of my friends.
- I demand attention. If people don't contact me I will sure as hell contact them and offer my irresistible company because I suck at being on my own for long and short periods of time. I'm a sociable bitch and I have a constant need to talk.
- I whine about everything. All the time. Tiredness, hunger, coldness, sore muscles, PMS, general angst, no job, stress over studies, undefined anxiety, I haven't seen my gf for 27 hours, I want to move to my own flat, my siblings are annoying, the world is evil, I'm a loser, I hate my body, I slept badly and my stomach hurts again.
- I lose my temper easily and I pity those who accidentally get in my way when that happens. When I'm angry I become a martyr and struggle to hold myself back. It's not often I snap or sulk at my friends but when I do I feel immediately so bad I'd like rip my head off.
- I have a constant fear of losing everyone important to me and being left alone. Occasionally this makes me extremely jealous. I'm pretty sure not many even know this because it's one of the few issues I don't share and complain about (except for with my bff). It just makes me paranoid, anxious and miserable.
- Some days I need to be alone, some days I want company. As I am the centre of the universe I assume that everyone recognises which sort of a day is in question and proceeds with the right kind of action.
- As I am the centre of the universe I always assume that when somebody is upset it's because of me and then I get depressed.
- Also being the centre of the universe means that when somebody is irritated or pissed off it's too because of me. And then I get depressed.
- I interrupt people while discussing with them. I also talk about myself all the time since I am the centre of the universe and surely everyone desires to hear what I have to say.
Nevertheless, I am forever thankful for every single one of my friends. If you are reading this you know who you are and you definitely should be given medals for being such awesome people and for having stood beside me for so long.
I hope I'll never have to lose any one of you.
Also, comments are always appreciated, even anonymously.