Hello Angst And Pathetic Misery.

I'm going to whine now.
If you don't want to know, then stop reading.

I swear that, at the moment, I am the most pathetic human being on the planet.
I'm crying my my eyes out for no real reason at all. And by a real reason I mean something actually unbearable and evident like a broken heart or a dead kitten or losing your job.
My reason for pointless weeping is inside my stupid, over-thinking head.
I feel utterly miserable because of things that are hypothetical and sometimes possible - but mostly unlikely. During an average day I go through dozens of what-ifs and what-if-nots. In an average day I am also able to ignore those nagging doubts.
However, today has not been an average one, but seemingly the worst angst-day for a while.
Now that I'm not studying neither working I have an unhealthy amount of time to sit at home all alone and think of things I shouldn't be thinking. Thus, I tend to have at least one day a week when I feel notably melancholic and down. More often than not, I try to fix the situation by sending very long and very lame messages to some people, which makes me feel even more sad person as I really don't have any actual problem, other than my own character. Oh, the self-pity - I can smell it.

In most days I feel more than happy with my life and even quite confident at times.
When having a bad day I'm lost.
I doubt everything. I don't trust my own instincts. I despise myself.
I'm convinced that not only mine, but also everyone else's sulkiness or dejection has something to do with me.
I realise that I'm not the centre of the universe, though.
It's just that whenever my spirits are low and can't bear myself, I can see no reason why anyone else would care for me either.
Again, I realise this is just stupid shit.
But how can you stop yourself from thinking?

It's so nice being me.


  1. Tarviit ison halin, joten iso virtuaalihali lähetetty sinne!
    Angstipäivät on ikäviä, kun sillon "merkityksetönkin muuttuu merkitykselliseksi", ja lisäksi vaikeaksi.
    Nyt pistät jotain serotoniinia kehittävää pöperöä nassuun ja henität syvään. Kuppi teetä ja villasukat saattavat olla myös avuksi.

    Ja tää on sun blogi, saat luvan kanssa angstaa "ääneen". ;)

  2. Kiitos kulta <3

    Tää vaan tuntuu jatkuvan ja jatkuvan.
    Ehkä juon nyt kaks litraa teetä ja koitan elää.