I'm going to whine now.
If you don't want to know, then stop reading.
I swear that, at the moment, I am the most pathetic human being on the planet.
I'm crying my my eyes out for no real reason at all. And by a real reason I mean something actually unbearable and evident like a broken heart or a dead kitten or losing your job.
My reason for pointless weeping is inside my stupid, over-thinking head.
I feel utterly miserable because of things that are hypothetical and sometimes possible - but mostly unlikely. During an average day I go through dozens of what-ifs and what-if-nots. In an average day I am also able to ignore those nagging doubts.
However, today has not been an average one, but seemingly the worst angst-day for a while.
Now that I'm not studying neither working I have an unhealthy amount of time to sit at home all alone and think of things I shouldn't be thinking. Thus, I tend to have at least one day a week when I feel notably melancholic and down. More often than not, I try to fix the situation by sending very long and very lame messages to some people, which makes me feel even more sad person as I really don't have any actual problem, other than my own character. Oh, the self-pity - I can smell it.
In most days I feel more than happy with my life and even quite confident at times.
When having a bad day I'm lost.
I doubt everything. I don't trust my own instincts. I despise myself.
I'm convinced that not only mine, but also everyone else's sulkiness or dejection has something to do with me.
I realise that I'm not the centre of the universe, though.
It's just that whenever my spirits are low and can't bear myself, I can see no reason why anyone else would care for me either.
Again, I realise this is just stupid shit.
But how can you stop yourself from thinking?
It's so nice being me.