I'm not at all sure how to put this without sounding completely crazy, obsessed, weird person, which I am. Such promising beginning, isn't it?
I'm aware that the topics of my writings are circling and therefore, now that I get back in one of my favourites, I realise that some of the potential readers may feel the need to facepalm or headdesk, and navigate as far as this site as possible. The good news is though, that this is not about dance, yoga, my interesting sexual identity or even whining about my problems and lack of self-confidence but FRIENDS. Again. And the fact that I'm a crazy, obsessed, weird person. Again. Great. So.
By now it's probably become rather clear that I have no intention to get involved with a romantic relationship demanding serious commitment. Nor am I interested in one night stands for that matter. Just mentioning in case anyone was having doubts. Anyway, seemingly this doesn't necessarily mean that I don't get crushes on people. Why is this worth saying? Maybe it isn't but just today, while bicycling home, a few things connected in the deepest depths of my brain and I figured out that, at times, I actually fancy some of my friends. To be honest, I think I've known it for at least some time, but today it just started to feel really clear and obvious in a way. It's not like this was some earthmoving discovery of any sort, as I'm not in the least aiming at
1) confessing anyone anything and
2) even if I was, I wouldn't like the relationship in question to evolve or change into something else.
There's nothing more valuable and precious in my tiny bit of life than friendships, thus there's absolutely nothing that would make me risk them either.
However, even though my intents as regards to putting my thoughts or feelings into action are mainly non-existent, there's no denying the fact that those affections do exist. Not to worry though, my case is far away from that typical situation in many TV-dramas where people struggle to keep their hands off the object of their desire. I wouldn't even call the emotion, my emotion, a desire, but intensive fondness and affection, surely love for I believe it's fundamental for many kinds of relationships, especially the emotional ones.
How does this differ from my other friendships then?
Not much, really. Enough, nevertheless, to make it noticeable.
There's certain positive tension; then the yearning to be close, to touch - and of course my thoughts are more or less filled with that person.
These friend crushes pass quite swiftly, though, just like the real crushes leaving no permanent traces. It's actually a little funny that feeling for that particular person - or more specifically the feeling I get from realising that feeling. Complicated, huh? Well, it's pretty amusing. I'm amused by my own little quirks and silliness. How pathetic is that?
But as I said, I'm a crazy, obsessed, weird person.
And this whole thing doesn't even seem as weird as I thought it might. I'm actually rather normal.
Or then I'm just too familiar with the oddities my mind produces.