I am dead-tired, and my belly feels kind of weird because I just enjoyed this milky beverage that basically tasted like liquid bun, and also my left eye hurts a little for no obvious reason; but even so, I will attempt to write something now.
I predict some fragmented rambling.
I had this start up tutorial with one of my tutors today, since consequently we are pretty much starting up with a new module and a new project at present. I've been feeling quite discouraged and even paralysed after our last module because it really didn't work out for me the way I wanted, so I went to this meeting in a more or less confused state of mind. I didn't really have a plan that we could have discussed and refined - just bits of ideas circling around my brain. Anyway, the point of telling this is simply a thing that she said to me: "I just want you to be happy, right?" And let it be known that the first impression you get of her is probably something like 'that loud American'. I think she's sometime said that her job is to disagree with everything you say in order to make you think outside the box. On our first year we didn't have that much stuff with her so most people, me included, remained slightly scared of her.
Okay, so she wants me to be happy with this project.
And that probably seems like a very mundane thing for most people. But for me it was kind of significant. For me, any gesture that even remotely implies that someone might give a shit about me is kind of 'wow ohmigod they're so nice' -moment. I mean, I know that people such as my mum or all of my friends whom I've known for 10+ years care about me - and maybe a few more as well, but when someone says or does something unexpected like randomly offers to buy me a coffee, or has done my dishes while I've been out, or sends me a funny message just because they thought of me - those are the kind of things that really stick.
I get especially amazed by the kindness and general awesomeness of my tutors here at uni. Now I'm not sure if it's just the cultural differences in human interaction that make them seem more interested in their students than any of my teachers in upper secondary school or before that. At school, sure there were some absolutely brilliant teachers, but it's like they were just there, teaching you their thing and you were just another face in the crowd whereas here it's like they actually want good things for you.
Or maybe all of them are just treating me with velvet gloves because I generally look like I might burst into tears at any moment. It's still considerate, though, so whatever the reason behind this sympathetic treatment is, I'm not complaining.
I don't even know why I'm so taken aback every time when people do/say nice things to me. It's certainly not that I had a traumatic, abusive childhood. I wasn't bullied at school and I've always had amazing friends around me. And yet, I am honestly amazed and touched when I feel like I'm being valued in some way.
Too tired to continue.
Here's one for random kindness.