Never enough

Two minutes ago, when washing my teeth I suddenly realised that I don’t need to have everything right now, in this instant. Considering the content of the terms ‘everything’ and ‘right now’ this seems quite a logical conclusion.

To explain a little why this even is something worth telling let’s just say that I’m very impulsive and very emotional and this causes me to feel and experience basically everything very comprehensively.  In practice this means, frankly, that when I’m happy all I can see is sunshine, and when I’m sad all I can do is cry. If I am angry I literally tremble and while in love even every puddle looks heart-shaped. I also have a tendency to be impatient: I absolutely loathe waiting and would prefer to have all there is to have as quickly as possible. I don’t know how to ‘take it easy’ or ‘slow down’. For me it’s now or never. This doesn’t, however mean that I wasn’t considerate and thoughtful; it’s merely the emotional part that works impulsively, not the actions, with which I’m always careful.

ANYWAY, though. I’m losing my point again and drifting in this self-analysis.

In this competitive, money-oriented society we’re living today it’s all about being productive, profiting, achieving, outshining others, making more and more money. This is not the reality only in business world or a factory – after your day in work you come to your lovely home where you have your lovely family, clean kitchen and a plasma TV. You go to gym, you take your kids to their hobbies, you cook something nice and healthy for dinner, you help your youngest with their homework. Make sure your garden is in order, preferably prettier than your neighbour’s, with whom you are very good friends. Remember to send Christmas cards and call your mum and feed the dog and read world classics and keep in touch with your friends and donate to charity and iron your shirts and recycle.

We have this pressure upon us every moment of every day unless we consciously decide to let ourselves to ignore it.

Being a full-time daydreamer at the moment I can’t really complain about too many responsibilities or assignments. I don’t even feel the need to iron my shirts or brush my hair to seem to be in control of my life. I do have my own issues and pressures and insecurities and that’s why it is such a relief to be able to stop for a minute and realise that there’s plenty of time really. I don’t have to get all the answers right now.

Waiting is not the same as being left without.